Saturday, May 2, 2009

Oh Yavin, Part 2

Ok, lame Imperial attack plan aside, let's get to issues regarding the Death Star itself. One refers to its design, the other to the Rebels' plan.

1. Death Star weak spot - Ok, so they've built this incredible space station, capable of destroying entire planets. Cool. Sinister! Good idea. What's NOT a good idea? Having a weak spot. It's like having a self-destruct button on the outside of it, or having this awesome station built from egg shells. And fine, if this exhaust port or whatever is needed, and is a weak spot, why not, oh, I don't know, cover it up?

In my opinion, in Return Of The Jedi, the Death Star/weak spot works MUCH better. Having to disable a shield (on Endor) in order to properly attack/destroy the station (which I helped do and you're welcome), actually makes more sense.

2. So, the rebels discover this weak spot that shouldn't exist, and send the X-Wings & Y-Wings in to attack. But why the hell are the pilots flying down this wide-open (from above) corridor that takes about 10 minutes to fly through to get to it? Here's a plan ya stupid bastards (I'm talking to you two, Gold Leader & Luke) - enter the corridor further down, dammit! Like, 50 yards from the damn hole. Here's another idear - Just fly straight at it and launch your torpedos, they should go right on in.

Plus, I wouldn't wait 15 minutes of dogfighting to take a crack at this corridor, no matter where I'm flying from. Time is ticking away as the Imperials FLOAT around a planet they could blow up while the Rebels are blowing up tiny buildings, garages, and useless towers on the Death Star. Why not just send the whole squad down the corridor, or at least send in groups. Gold Leader - Go! Biggs - Go! Wedge - Go! Porkins - Go! Luke - Go! Why wait?

I dunno. Imperials. Rebels. Bunch of fuckin' goofballs, the whole lot of them. That's why after blowing up Death Star 2 (and after the hangover - Lando can party - I love that bastard) I packed up my shit and got the funk out, just kinda bounced around from starport to starport. Got into some shit. Good times.

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