Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Amidala - Hero, or Selfish Beeyotch?

First of all she did next to nothing in Sith. But at the end of Sith was where she really pissed me off. And, Lucas is to blame. Sorry, bud.

So, Anakin is steaming pissed, and then chokes Amidala. First of all, that's a great idea, and a good way to kill her (and give Anakin/Vader a nice dose of anger/regret).

But then they fuck it up.

Because then the medical robot says basically, she'll survive her wounds, but die of a broken heart.

George Lucas - Are you fucking insane? Or just that cold-hearted?? You can't DIE of a broken heart, at least in a matter of seconds!!!!!!!! Maybe over weeks, you stop taking care of yourself, etc. But you can't die on the spot because you're sad...ESPECIALLY after you just gave birth to two beautiful babies!!!!!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

You're Sending Baby Luke Where?

First of all, why does Luke get sent to the ass-end of the galaxy, Tatooine, and Leia ends up on fancy Alderaan? Just wondering. That aside, if they're afraid Luke MAY be discovered, why hide the kid on ANAKIN'S home planet? With people that Anakin KNOWS pretty darn well. And okay, fine, if I can believe all that, it's no biggie, right?

Well, how about this idea gang - Change his last fucking name! He can be Luke Burgerflipper. Or, hmm, Luke Lars? Just an idea.

Because Vader/Anakin doesn't know his kids are alive, right? Okay, that's fine. But what if he happened to return to Tatooine one day. Maybe wanted to visit his Mama's grave/ash pit. And he just might hear about some punk-ass kid named Luke Skywalker and say, "Hey, wait a sec, that's MY fucking last name. Maybe I should look into this kid."


Monday, May 11, 2009

Why Did Yoda Expire So Fast?

Funny, I don't have much to pick on Empire about. I just don't. Not even many Jedi complaints. But I do have a beef with one character that spans both trilogies.

The Yodanator.

Loved him in Empire. Jedi. Loved that he's old & feeble, 900 years old, all that stuff, about to kick the bucket (and does). Lucky for Luke he didn't wait 10 more minutes to get to Dagobah in Jedi of he woulda missed the little wrinkly dude's passing.

But then how come in Eps 1-3 (MUCH more on those soon) is he this bad-ass acrobatic ninja mofo bouncing off walls and ceilings. I mean, only approx. 30ish years have passed between Sith & the original trilogy, and this dude is 900 so 30 years ain't all that much to him, right? Was is a harsh 30ish years? Did he start smoking? Is Dagobah loaded with Radon?
It's just one of those lazy plot/screenwriting things that bother me. Maybe it was a lack of planning by (I assume, who else?) Lucas. Oh, well. Rest in peace, Yoda.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Darth = Kickball

At the beginning of A New Hope, Vader appears to be a joke of sorts, at least in the eyes of some of the Imperial Commanders. They mock him openly, joking about his powers. A "tired old religion" I believe one says without confirming the quote. He's kinda like a kick ball. I'll bet good money there's a picture of Darthy somewhere, with someone making bunny ears behind his helmet.

Maybe they call him Darth Stupid, and giggle 'till they wet themselves.

But he pretty much kills them on-sight. Can't blame him.

So, why make fun of the dude? Or mock his beliefs? It's not like he can't kill you with a flick of his wrist. Or thumb. If he was in mothballs for years and wasn't around, I might buy this. He's had to have choked/killed people in the past, and not start all of a sudden while getting annoyed on the Death Star.

I think it was an interesting concept to have him/the Force looked down on, but he's pretty viscious in the 1st movie and I can't buy some of them openly razzing on him.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Oh Yavin, Part 2

Ok, lame Imperial attack plan aside, let's get to issues regarding the Death Star itself. One refers to its design, the other to the Rebels' plan.

1. Death Star weak spot - Ok, so they've built this incredible space station, capable of destroying entire planets. Cool. Sinister! Good idea. What's NOT a good idea? Having a weak spot. It's like having a self-destruct button on the outside of it, or having this awesome station built from egg shells. And fine, if this exhaust port or whatever is needed, and is a weak spot, why not, oh, I don't know, cover it up?

In my opinion, in Return Of The Jedi, the Death Star/weak spot works MUCH better. Having to disable a shield (on Endor) in order to properly attack/destroy the station (which I helped do and you're welcome), actually makes more sense.

2. So, the rebels discover this weak spot that shouldn't exist, and send the X-Wings & Y-Wings in to attack. But why the hell are the pilots flying down this wide-open (from above) corridor that takes about 10 minutes to fly through to get to it? Here's a plan ya stupid bastards (I'm talking to you two, Gold Leader & Luke) - enter the corridor further down, dammit! Like, 50 yards from the damn hole. Here's another idear - Just fly straight at it and launch your torpedos, they should go right on in.

Plus, I wouldn't wait 15 minutes of dogfighting to take a crack at this corridor, no matter where I'm flying from. Time is ticking away as the Imperials FLOAT around a planet they could blow up while the Rebels are blowing up tiny buildings, garages, and useless towers on the Death Star. Why not just send the whole squad down the corridor, or at least send in groups. Gold Leader - Go! Biggs - Go! Wedge - Go! Porkins - Go! Luke - Go! Why wait?

I dunno. Imperials. Rebels. Bunch of fuckin' goofballs, the whole lot of them. That's why after blowing up Death Star 2 (and after the hangover - Lando can party - I love that bastard) I packed up my shit and got the funk out, just kinda bounced around from starport to starport. Got into some shit. Good times.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Oh Yavin

Okay, here's the first complaint.

The Imperials' plan in Star Wars.

After they track the rebels to the moon called Yavin 4, they plan on floating their Death Star around the plantet of Yavin, then blow up Yavin 4. Okay, fine. But here's a better plan....

BLOW UP YAVIN, THEN BLOW UP YAVIN 4, DUMBASSES!! The Death Star had no problemo nuking Alderaan, so Yavin wouldn't be an issue. Instead, they wait until the Death Star clears the planet.

Welcome to My Blog

Hello, I'm Nien Numb, and I'm pissed off. And that's why I created this blog. Maybe I'll do a Facebook page. Or I'll Tweet. Not Myspace though, I'll save that for the pedophiles and Salacious Crumbs of the universe.

This blog is for film-related movie complaints. I'll be picking on the Star Wars series quite a bit, not because I wasn't paid well for Jedi (my family is taken care of) but because there are certain issues with the series that bother me, and like you, I'm a fan. And those movies are not only George Lucas' but ours now. So we have the right to piss and moan, because we love it, and are disappointed when it disappoints us (either through lazy or poor plot or writing).

So, Welcome.